Pot Luck

ISLAMADORA, Fla. — Most people would only worry about being crushed by a buffalo out in the wild. It turns out the animals can be dangerous when they're mounted on walls, too.

Monroe County Sheriff's deputies say a man in the Florida Keys had to call 911 when a stuffed water buffalo's head mounted on a wall fell on him and pinned him as he slept in a reclining chair. The sheriff's office said the call came in early Friday from the man, who could only yell his address and tell operators he had been trapped.

The man had apparently woken up when the buffalo head fell on his lap. The head was too heavy for him to lift, but the man was able to reach for his cellphone and call for help. He was taken to a hospital for treatment.

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (AP) — Police said a man entered the bedroom of a home while the residents were asleep, woke them up and showed them a handgun, then left without incident after saying he had the wrong house. Colorado Springs police were looking for the suspect following the reported 3 a.m. Friday home invasion.

Police did not say whether the man apologized. No injuries were reported. Names were not released.

A British teacher who fell asleep on a plane woke up to discover he was in an empty hangar after bungling cabin crew failed to spot he was still on board, The Sun reported Friday.

Sleepy Kris Lines, 31, nodded off during a long-haul flight from London to Vancouver with Air Canada last month. But staff failed to notice he was still asleep when they emptied the plane.

It was not until an hour and a half later that he felt a tap on his shoulder -- not from an air steward or fellow passenger, but a baffled mechanic. In a panic, the sports law lecturer went to grab his bags, thinking he just fell behind the other passengers exiting the plane.

But the mechanic quipped: "Don't worry, chill out and take all the time you want. The flight landed an hour and a half ago." Lines, from Solihull, central England, said: "He was as surprised to see me as I was to be there. It was quite a shock, to say the least.

"I'm quite a heavy sleeper and I'd been awake for 24 hours, so as soon as I dropped off I was out for the count. "After showing my boarding pass in the office, I was allowed through to get my bag, which was luckily still there."

Lines sent a complaint to Air Canada and got an email back from customer services, apologizing and promising him 20 percent off his next flight.

"This kind of thing has never happened before," the airline said.
- How would they 'really' know?

Italian police have tracked down one of the country's most-wanted fugitive mafia suspects - on Facebook.
Pasquale Manfredi, 33, was on Italy's 100 Most Wanted List and had been on the run for a year, reports The Sun.

He called himself Scarface, after the film character, and was accused of being one of the top figures in the 'Ndrangheta mafia.

The 33-year-old, who faces charges of murder, mafia association and drugs trafficking, was seized in Calabria.

Officers had been tipped off that Manfredi was a fan of the global social networking site and regularly logged on using his laptop.

Using sophisticated electronic surveillance equipment, officers managed to locate Manfredi to an apartment in Isola Capo Rizzuto, near Crotone in southern Italy.

According to Italian newspaper La Repubblica, he was arrested as he tried to escape from the roof of the apartment complex. Manfredi had more than 200 friends on his Facebook site and police are going through them systematically to see if any others are involved in Mafia activity or are wanted.

Authorities in the Cambodian capital have rounded up 15 bulls and cows after their mating habits caused traffic accidents along a busy road, a local councillor said.
Officials began herding the animals last week, seizing two bulls and 13 cows, said Khin Sim, a deputy chief in Phnom Penh's Pong Toek commune.

He said a number of traffic accidents occurred every mating season when "bulls wildly pursue their mates across the road".

"It is the breeding season and the animals were wandering around a public park near the Phnom Penh International Airport where the road is so busy," Mr Khin said.

"It affects the traffic and caused animal anarchy in the eyes of international guests passing through the airport."

Mr Khin said a motorist was knocked unconscious last week when one of the roaming animals ran into him. Villagers have been warned the animals will be seized if they are not kept under control.

German police have detained a nightclub reveller they caught trying to snort amphetamines off the top of their unmarked patrol car.
The 26-year-old began lining up the powdered drugs on the roof of the car in a disco car park when the two police officers surprised him, a Nuremberg police spokesman said.

The man had no idea the vehicle belonged to the police and it was a coincidence that the officers - who were walking by their parked car - discovered him just as he was about to take the drugs.

"He's got horrible luck," said Bert Rauenbusch, a police spokesman in the southern German city.

ANOTHER HERO!
The life-saving skills of a black Labrador have earned him a top medal in the British Army, Sky News reported Wednesday.
Nine-year-old Treo's job is to sniff out roadside bombs in Afghanistan for soldiers, and he has proved rather good at it.

In August, 2008, while working as a forward detection dog in Sangin, Treo found a "daisy chain" improvised explosive device (IED) - made of two or more explosives wired together - that had been carefully modified and concealed by the Taliban at the side of a path.

A month later, his actions saved another platoon from guaranteed casualties,
again by finding a daisy chain IED.

An Illinois man has been arrested - after he stole an ambulance with a patient and paramedics still inside it.
Nicholas Pontillo, 24, of Lake Villa, Illinois, took the vehicle for a joyride while drunk, according to police.

The ambulance had been parked outside the Tyrol Bason skiing and snowboarding area near Mount Horeb, Wisconsin, reports WKOW TV.

Pontillo alledgedly slipped into the cab while paramedics were treating a teenage skiier with an injured knee in the back.

However, he didn't get very far - the vehicle's emergency brake was on so he ended up driving it around the car park, before eventually being arrested by sheriff's deputies.

Dane County emergency management specialist Carrie Meier said the theft attempt may have been thwarted because the paramedics had followed procedure.

"They had the emergency brake on. That's one thing we always do for safety reasons," she said.

Tyrol Basin general manager Don McKay added: "It is a big deal when someone takes control of an emergency vehicle."

Pontillo has been charged with vehicle theft and [may?] also face a charge of drink driving.

Shoppers in pyjamas and bare feet are no longer welcome at a supermarket in Wales where customer complaints have prompted the introduction of a strict dress code.
Signs announcing the no-PJs rule now grace the entrance to the sprawling Tesco's outlet in St Mellons, a suburb of the Welsh capital Cardiff, that is open most nights until 10:00pm.

"To avoid causing offence or embarrassment to others, we ask that our customers are appropriately dressed when visiting our store (footwear must be worn at all times and no nightwear is permitted)," they read.

Only a handful of customers have ever turned up in pyjamas, but a spokeswoman for Tesco's - the biggest retailer in Britain - said it was enough to trigger firm measures.

From the Rodney (New Zealand) Times, 3 December 2009:
Police investigating reports of a domestic dispute in Stanmore Bay found a man yelling at his slow internet connection while trying to watch a United States gridiron football game.

Swedish police say they've cleared a man who was arrested for allegedly murdering his wife after deciding the culprit was most likely a moose.

Police spokesman Ulf Karlsson says "the improbable has become probable" in the puzzling death last year of 63-year old Agneta Westlund. She was found dead after an evening stroll in the forest.

According to news reports, the victim's husband Ingemar Westlund, was jailed for 10 days. The case against him was dropped in January.

Karlsson declined to give details of the case Saturday, saying a news conference would be held Tuesday.

The tabloid Expressen says hairs and saliva from a moose - aka a European elk - were found on the victim's clothes. Police would not immediately confirm that.

PICTURE - Suspect's Identi-kit picture is YouTube sensation!
A taxi driver, named in Bolivian media as Rafael Vargas, was murdered in what police said was either a drugs-related hit or a crime of passion. In March, police found his body, which had been stabbed 11 times before being burnt, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Officials issued an appeal for help, and one neighbour drew a picture of what she believed the suspect looked like - though many other people have said her drawing resembles nothing more than the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz.

A newsreader presenting the image on Bolivian television has become a YouTube sensation.

Voters tired of slick, endless election campaign broadcasts may finally have a sanctuary in Chile.
As the South American nation prepares for December 13 elections, some candidates have been allotted as little as two seconds of air-time to put their case to voters.

Tomas Diaz, an independent presidential candidate used his time to say very little. "I'm Tomas and the most important thing to know about my campaign is..." he said on his television spot before being cut off.

Rodrigo Garcia Pinochet, the grandson of former dictator Augusto Pinochet who is running for congress, tried a different tack, simply posting a photo of himself, his grandfather and his mother onscreen in silence.

Independent candidates have as little as two seconds worth of broadcasts thanks to rules that distribute time according to how a party fared in the previous election.

The unfortunate masses of politicos aiming to make an electoral breakthrough cannot even hope to throw money at the problem, as Chilean laws forbid TV channels from accepting cash for broadcasts.

But they may take some solace in a campaign by Rosa Gonzalez, who was elected after a 1997 broadcast in which she did not manage to finish her name.

And Samuel Velasco memorably shouted "Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!" in his flicker of a campaign spot. He, too, was elected.

Yet according to one expert, the videos - of whatever length - may be incidental in Chilean politics.

"It is by tradition the centerpiece of a political campaign, but that does not mean it would change the vote of the population," said political marketing expert Felipe Vergara.

Unbelievable!
A team of adventurous environmentalists are preparing to set sail for Sydney in a catamaran made entirely of reclaimed plastic bottles.

They want to highlight the scale of plastic pollution in the ocean and the damage it is wreaking on a fragile ecosystem.

While the journey will be unpredictable, simply building a plastic bottle boat in the first place has been the greatest challenge.

And inside a nondescript pier in the heart of San Francisco's waterfront, a team of environmental adventurers - led by the exuberant David de Rothschild - is building a boat out of plastic bottles.

Meanwhile, A Dutch court has ruled that 14-year-old Laura Dekker, with solo-sailing experience is not old enough to sail around the world.

A 33-year-old man has been charged after he crashed his car in the Northern Territory while drunk and engaging in "amorous activities" with a 34-year-old woman.
Police say the vehicle was travelling in Humpty Doo, about 40 kilometres south of Darwin, at 11.30pm when the car crossed to the wrong side of the road and crashed into a concrete drain.

"It's believed that the driver and his passenger were engaged in amorous activities at the time of the accident," said Duty Superintendent John Emeny, who added that the activities were "a little more than kissing".

The driver suffered a minor hip injury and the woman was left with minor chest injuries. Police say the car was extensively damaged.

The driver recorded a blood alcohol reading of 0.147 per cent and has been charged with medium range drink-driving.

"Whilst there may be a humorous element to this, there is also a very serious one - and that is the devastating consequences that can result from inattentive driving," Superintendent Emeny said.

Five US baristas charged customers to touch their breasts and buttocks at an espresso stand where servers wear bikinis to draw business, US police said.
The five were charged Wednesday with prostitution. Charging money for that kind of touching falls under the city's definition of prostitution.

The Everett Herald reports the women were charging up to US$80 (NZ$112) to strip down while fixing lattes and mochas.

During a two-month investigation, detectives also saw the women lick whipped cream off each other and pose naked for pictures at the Grab-n-Go Espresso stand in Everett, about 95 kilometers north of Seattle.

Owner Bill Wheeler told KCPQ-TV employees sign a policy prohibiting the kind of behavior alleged by police. He said anyone caught doing anything illegal would be fired.

The women, ages 18 to 24, were not arrested, said Sgt. Robert Goetz. They were expected to be in Municipal Court in a few weeks to answer misdemeanor charges.

Police have received more than 40 complaints in the past year of women exposing themselves at coffee stands. Goetz said the department investigated Grab-n-Go because it had the most complaints.

"This was about alleged conduct, not about what the women were wearing," he said. "They could have been wearing parkas and if they continued to conduct themselves that way, we still would have filed the criminal charges."
Undercover detectives began posing as customers in mid-July.

LAKE ELSINORE, California — A Southern California family got a slithery surprise when an 11-foot python turned up in their front yard.
Francisco Delgadillo says he was chatting with his sister on their porch Sunday night in Lake Elsinore when he saw an enormous snake moving across the fenced yard, KTLA-TV reported.

The first animal control officer who saw the size of the critter had to call for backup. Two officers then wrangled the 50-pound snake into a truck and took it to a shelter.

Authorities say the Burmese python probably was somebody's pet. If the owner doesn't claim it by the end of the week, it probably will be given to a snake rescue group.

A US man was arrested after he gave a cashier his account number and showed her his picture ID before allegedly robbing a bank.
Jarell Arnold, 34, walked into a bank in Anchorage, Alaska, and asked to check his balance, reports the Anchorage Daily News.

Then he handed over a piece of paper with a note saying: "I have a gun. Give me all the money in your drawer", scribbled on the back, according to the FBI.

He walked out of the bank with nearly $660 - but was arrested after it turned out that the account number and picture ID were genuine.

Arnold initially managed to get away from the scene but was captured after FBI agent Steven Payne recalled he had previously arrested him for a bank robbery in 2004, according to court papers.

After confirming through CCTV images that Arnold had provided his correct identity to the cashier, FBI agents arrested him. He is being held in custody at the Anchorage jail and faces a federal bank robbery charge.

Oakland, California - Police say a man impersonating a police officer tried to pull over a real undercover officer and was arrested.
Police say 21-year-old Antonio Fernandez Martinez of Oakland was arrested Wednesday in the Fruitvale district after trying to pull over an unmarked police vehicle. Martinez was driving a Ford Crown Victoria outfitted with flashing lights, a microphone and speakers.

Martinez, a convicted car thief, will have his felony probation revoked and could face a prison term. The officer, Jim Beere, says Martinez probably thought he'd be an easy mark to rob.

Bungling police who can't tell their petrol from their diesel have wasted £1 million (US$1,635,994) in the last three years, just by grabbing the wrong pump in petrol stations.
For the past three years, the repair bill has averaged £6,500 (US$10,633)a week with four cars a day requiring engines to be flushed of the wrong fuel, reports the Daily Mirror.

In addition the costs of engine repairs, labour and having the right juice put back in have all totted up to a seven-figure bill.

The worst offender was London's Met, who wasted £194,212 (US$317,729) in only three years. Officers filled their tanks with the wrong fuel a whopping 671 times.

Matthew Elliott, chief executive of the Taxpayers' Allowance said: "It is shocking that so many police cars are being wrecked by stupid errors. Every car damaged is thousands of pounds diverted away from the fight against crime. One would hope our police were more on the ball."

Liberal Dem MP Chris Huhne suggested: "Surely the solution is big, colour-coded stickers on the tank caps so officers don't mess up."

It's a system that's already tried and failed. North Wales cops brought in luminous yellow caps that screamed "Diesel" yet they still made 39 mishaps throughout 2006.

A dog had to be rescued by a tree surgeon after getting stuck on a branch 50ft up chasing squirrels.
Bruce the terrier was left trapped for around five hours before being reunited with his owners Glenice and Barry Clapperton, reports the Daily Mirror.

He had dashed off during his morning walkies in Kirkby-in-Ashfield, Nottinghamshire. Barry said: "He's only about 15 months old and he's a bit mischievous but he doesn't normally do that kind of thing!

"We were a bit worried while he was up there because it was about 50ft up - but as soon as he was back down he was back running around again like nothing had happened."

RSPCA inspector Tina McAdams says the incident was a first for her. "We got him down on all fours eventually with the help of a tree surgeon who came out to help," she said. "If I hadn't have seen it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it!"

A Yorkshire cricket star hurled a ball towards his wicketkeeper - and killed an unlucky pigeon.
The unfortunate bird was flying over Yorkshire's Headingley ground in Leeds at the time, reports The Sun.

South African Jacques Rudolph, 28, fielded the ball just inside the boundary while playing in a Twenty20 game against Lancashire.

He hurled it to his wicket keeper - just as the bird swooped 40ft over the pitch - and, to his surprise, the ball hit the pigeon and sent it crashing to the ground. The former South African international retrieved the lifeless bird and dropped it over the boundary rope.

Then he returned to his fielding position, grinning sheepishly at the crowd.

A TV commentator said: "The pigeon is no more. Jacques Rudolph is the man with blood on his hands."

A wild New Zealand parrot - perhaps with a desire to spread its wings further afield - has pinched a Scottish man's passport in a bag snatch.
The passport was in a brightly coloured courier bag in the luggage compartment of a bus heading into the popular tourist destination of Milford Sound in the Fiordland region of the South Island, the Southland Times reported.

The kea, the world's only alpine parrot, struck when the bus stopped and the driver was busy in the luggage compartment. When the driver turned around the startled kea flew away with the passport.

The bird was last seen heading into thick forest and the British passport's owner doesn't expect to get it back.

"Being Scottish, I've got a sense of humour so I did take it with humour but obviously there is one side of me still raging," said the man, who did not want to be named.

"My passport is somewhere out there in Fiordland. The kea's probably using it for fraudulent claims or something. "I'll never look at a kea in the same way."

Kea are renowned for their intelligence and curiosity and the protected birds are also considered a pest for pulling rubber fittings and windscreen wipers from vehicles and rummaging in people's bags.

New traffic laws passed in Indonesia require disabled pedestrians to wear signs identifying them as handicapped.
Amendments to local Traffic and Transport Laws says "handicapped pedestrians must wear special and clear signs which can be easily recognised by other road users."

Politician Ahman Muqowam told the news agency that the laws were designed to protect disabled people.

"This is a humanistic act. It's for their safety on the streets," he said.
(I wonder if the person who thought this up wears the STUPID sign?)

An enterprising freelance software developer in the US has come up with an ingenious solution to that wee problem of when to dash to the loo when you're at the movies.
RunPee.com, created by Dan Florio (aka polyGeek) tells you the best time to go.

"Every movie has a few minutes you can miss and not be lost when you sit back down. No more guessing when to run and pee!" the site says. RunPee.com "reviews" are posted by users.

A recent example, Star Trek: "RunPee approximately 50 minutes into the movie when ... Capt Pike leaves the bridge on his way to Nero's ship and says, 'Chekov, you have the con'."

The site also tells you how long you have before you need to be back in your seat.

When you get home, you can click on a link on the site to tell you what you missed while you were away.

Nurse and dog argue over car keys, Dog Wins!
Alfie the spaniel pounced after Charlotte Hanson, 27, dropped the Peugeot's key at her home in Leeds, reports the Yorkshire Evening Post.

The mother of one said: "I tried to prise the key out of his mouth, but he thought it was a game and refused to let go.

"I grabbed a piece of sausage to tempt him to open his mouth. But he just swallowed the keys and the sausage in one gulp."

Charlotte hoped nature would take its course. But next day there was no sign of the key and Alfie appeared ill, so he was taken to the vet's for an op to remove it.

Alfie had already had a trip to the vets after eating socks belonging to Charlotte's seven-week-old baby son Victor.

The dog loving mum also revealed that they had been forced to cancel an appointment with an obedience class which had been arranged to help Alfie's jealousy problems since the arrival of little Victor.

She said: "Ever since Victor was born he's been a bit more naughty than usual so we had a training session booked for him to help him get used to the new member of the family.

"He'll do anything for attention at the moment so I can't help but wonder if swallowing the car key was another ploy by him."
(Yes, I have no doubt he planned it this way!)

A Buckinghamshire, England couple rushed to their swimming pool after hearing a loud splash - only to find that a cow had burst into their garden and taken the plunge.
The animal had broken through a hedge at Mark and Zoe Ryder's home in the village of Whaddon and dived in for a swim, tearing right through the pool cover.

Mr Ryder and two friends tried to coax her out of the water by lassoing a rope over her head and steering her towards the steps, reports the Daily Telegraph. But when that failed, they called the fire brigade and the RSPCA - but as soon as rescuers arrived, the cow calmly climbed out of the pool of its own accord.

Mr Ryder, who runs a travel agency, was taking a shower when he heard the commotion and ran outside. He said: "There she was, a cow staring at me from the shallow end. She had ripped through the cover and was standing waist-deep in the water.

"She started swimming down the pool to the deep end and went under the remaining cover. We were worried about her drowning so we ripped the cover off. "She got spooked and tried to jump clean out of the pool but ended up half out and half in, where she stopped and fell asleep, as she was so exhausted."

David Braybrooke, an RSPCA inspector, checked the cow over but decided that she had not done herself any serious harm. He added: "The RSPCA gets involved with all sorts of unusual calls for help, but this must be one of the oddest we've ever had to deal with."

Kiwifruit might be New Zealand's national fruit, but fewer of us are eating it out of fear it could trigger a fatal allergic attack.
New Zealand allergy specialist Vincent St Aubyn Crump has warned that an increasing number of New Zealanders are developing allergies to their iconic fruit.

Almost one percent of the population was believed to have some kind of allergy to kiwifruit, Dr Crump said. The allergy was being caused by the spread of pollen from the common silver birch tree.

"There is an epidemic of people allergic to silver birch, and it seems to directly correlate to people developing fruit allergies later in life," the specialist told the New Zealand Herald.

In the most extreme cases, fruit eaters suffer an anaphylactic shock, which causes tightening of the airways and can be fatal. "The prevalence of these cases is increasing each year," Dr Crump said.

He said the trend was particularly unusual because New Zealanders had been consuming kiwifruit for a long time and had not changed their eating habits of late.

An elderly man ended up on the motorway in his 8mph mobility scooter after taking a wrong turn.
Motorists spotted the 89-year-old crawling along the hard shoulder of the M20 at Cheriton, near Folkestone, Kent.

Police were called in as cars, lorries and coaches hurtled past the man at 70mph, reports the Daily Telegraph. He was eventually picked up by officers who took him home.

Lorry driver Chris Flowers, 41, said: "He looked totally bemused just going along at a snails pace. I felt sorry for the bloke.

"It's just lucky the police were able to get him before there was an accident - there could have been a massive pile-up."

A Kent Police spokesman: "We received reports that a mobility scooter was travelling on the hard shoulder of the M20 on the London-bound carriageway.

"An 89-year-old man had taken a wrong turn, travelling by mistake on to the M20. He was stopped at junction 11a and driven home with his scooter."

Flatulence fight gets odious!
Police said a fight over flatulence in Waco, Texas, left one man stabbed and another facing an assault charge.

Police said they were called to a motel on Wednesday (local time) where several men from the Houston area were sharing a room. Police said a 35-year-old man allegedly passed gas in the room on Tuesday night.

Police said one of the other men became upset, picked up a knife and threw it at the 35-year-old man, who was cut in the leg. The suspect was accused of then stabbing the man in the chest.

The 35-year-old was taken to the hospital and police said he was treated for non-life threatening wounds.

The alleged attacker was arrested and faces an aggravated assault charge.

MANILA (AP) — Fishermen in the Philippines accidentally caught a megamouth shark, one of the rarest fish in the world with only 40 others recorded to have been encountered, the World Wildlife Fund said Tuesday.
(The rare shark might have been the object of more scientific study but, the fishermen ate It!)

A Croatian poultry farmer is doing a cracking Easter trade in naturally-laid green-coloured eggs.
Stipa Gregacevic was astonished when his prize hen Fata began laying coloured eggs at the family farm in Forkusevci.

"I can't really explain why it happens," said Stipa. "Some say it might be because we put red pepper in the hen food."

And Stipa says customers are happy to shell out twice the going rate for normal eggs to buy a carton of his coloured specials.
"We're an organic farm and we're always being told to be more Green but I don't think this is what the scientists have in mind," he added.

Ohio cops arrested a man for drunk driving on a motorized bar stool.
According to cops, Kile Wygle, 28, crashed his bar stool near his Newark home earlier this month and called 911 due to his injuries. When an officer arrived and asked Wygle what happened, he answered, "I wrecked my bar stool."

According to a Newark Police Division report, Wygle's homemade ride is powered by a Briggs & Stratton lawnmower engine. Wygle noted that the bar stool could hit nearly 40 miles per hour, but that he was only going 20 when he wiped out late in the afternoon on March 4 (a witness told police that he spotted someone driving a "strange motorized machine" before the crash).

An inebriated Wygle, who failed a series of field sobriety tests, was charged with DUI and driving with a suspended license, both misdemeanors. His bar stool was not impounded.

A parrot whose cries of alarm helped save the life of a choking girl has been hailed a hero.

Quaker parrot Willie has been awarded the Red Cross's Animal Lifesaver Award in Denver, Colorado.

His histrionics alerted his owner, Megan Howard, who was baby-sitting the little girl last November.

Incredibly, Willie squawked: "Mama, baby", and flapped his wings to get her attention, reports Sky News.

Ms Howard returned to find the little girl, Hannah, already turning blue after choking on her breakfast.

The carer saved Hannah by performing the Heimlich manoeuvre but said Willie was "the real hero".

Hannah's mother, Samantha Kuusk, has admitted recounting the episode is still painful. "The part where she turned blue is always when my heart drops no matter how many times I've heard it," she said.

"My heart drops in my stomach and I get all teary eyed."

Smellies and Balls on way out as popular names in UK.
The number of people in Britain with surnames like Cockshott, Balls, Death and Shufflebottom has declined by up to 75 per cent in the last century.

A study found the number of people with the name Cock shrank to 785 last year from 3,211 in 1881, those called Balls fell to 1,299 from 2,904 and the number of Deaths were reduced to 605 from 1,133.

People named Smellie decreased by 70 per cent, Dafts by 51 per cent, Gotobeds by 42 per cent, Shufflebottoms by 40 per cent, and Cockshotts by 34 per cent, said Richard Webber, visiting professor of geography at King's College in London.

A British family of four, who receives more than $30,000 a year in benefits because they are "too fat to work," says they deserve more money, London's Daily Telegraph reported.
The Chawners, who live in Blackburn, England, have a combined weight of 1,160 pounds. "What we get barely covers the bills and puts food on the table," Philip Chawner, 53, told the newspaper. "It's not our fault we can't work. We deserve more."
(If there is any 'food on the table' it doesn't last long!)

Philip and his wife Audrey, 57, weigh 336 pounds each. Daughters Emma, 19, and Samantha, 21, weigh in at 236 pounds and 252 pounds, respectively.

Audrey Chawner, who has epilepsy and asthma as a result of being overweight, told "Closer" magazine her family's weight is genetic and they cannot afford to eat healthier.

Philip Chawner has Type 2 diabetes and was eligible for gastric band surgery until he developed a heart condition.

"I'm a student and don't have time to exercise," Emma Chawner said. "We all want to lose weight to stop the abuse in the street, but we don't know how."
(So give us more money, that might help.)

A plan to rename the US state of Iowa's department for the elderly will not result in its tag becoming the same as hospital code for "dead on arrival", the agency's chief said.

State politicians raised eyebrows when they voted to change the name of the Department of Elder Affairs to the Department on Aging (DOA).

Director John McCalley says he will use the shorthand DA instead.

"You can't have an acronym like this when you're referring to elderly people," said Representative Dave Heaton, 68, when the legislature approved the change.

Politicians want to make the department's name conform with those of federal agencies that deal with the elderly, said Representative Janet Petersen, 38.

She said the department's existing name is also a problem because some older residents dislike being referred to as "elders".

A pet pig saved its own bacon by jumping in the bath after it burned its owner's house down in Sweden.
The Vietnamese pot bellied porker had knocked over a table lamp setting fire to curtains and was trapped in the house in Lulea.

But as firefighters searched the property they discovered the terrified, singed pig cowering in the bath.

Fireman Peter Frykman said: "We initially thought it was arson as no-one was home but then we found the scorched but still alive pig and the broken lamp and realised what had happened."

SALT LAKE CITY - It took a wedgie and a headlock to pin down a man suspected of breaking into a car.
Yvonne Morris, a technician at the Brickyard Animal Hospital, said she chased a man who broke into a co-worker's car, but he kept squirming away from her.

The third time, Morris grabbed hold of the man's boxer shorts and pulled. Salt Lake City police said she then put a headlock on the man until help could arrive.

Cops on lookout for man in underwear!
Thomas Kohler, 21, punched taxi driver Daniel Eiffel, 53, in the face and started to run off with his mobile phone at Siegburg, near Cologne.

But as he turned to flee the cabbie grabbed his loose fitting trousers - which torn free as the robber fled.

Mr Eiffel said: "My natural reaction as he tried to make off with my phone was to grab for him but I could only reach his trousers. He kept struggling and managed to wriggle out of them and run off half-naked."

Mr Eiffel called police on a phone he borrowed from a passer-by and gave them a description of the trouserless crook. "I didn't think the police would have a hard job catching a man running round the city in his underwear," he said.

Police successfully arrested the thief at a train station trying to board a train in his underpants.

A vet was amazed when an injured wild deer burst into the building where his clinic is based.
A manager at a PetSmart store in Rossford, near Toledo, Ohio, opened a door and spotted the wounded deer outside.

The animal, which was lying in a pool of bloody snow, jumped up and ran through the just opened door, reports the Toledo Blade.

Once inside, the female deer lay down on the floor as blood dripped from her left hind leg, recalled store Manager Trudi Urie. She called Dr Agustin Cuesta, who works in the veterinary clinic inside PetSmart, who was able to treat the deer's injury and return her to the wild.

"Of all the places to run into, a pet store that has vets in it," said Ms Urie.

Dr Cuesta said the deer had suffered two or three deep cuts and that bone was showing through the fur. He could not determine what caused the injury.

He placed a numbing agent on the wounds before closing the wounds with dissolvable stitches, while covering the deer's head with a towel to stop her panicking.

"We took off the towel from her eyes and slowly she got to her feet," Dr. Cuesta said. "She stood frozen for a few seconds, but after that she ran out of the store."
(... without paying the vet's bill I might add! I doubt very much if she had medical insurance either. See, another example of an undocumented deer getting free medical treatment ... no wonder our vet bills are so high! Back in my time, Bambi would never have done something like this! She would have bled out at County Medical like everyone else. Sorry, I just had to make comment.)

Parrot causes chaos at footie
The parrot, Me-Tu was accompanying owner Irene Kerrigan to a game between Hertfordshire Rangers and Hatfield Town.
Ref Gary Bailey, 45, told the Daily Mirror: "I've never known anything like it. This woman was standing right by the touchline and suddenly unveiled this big green parrot.

"Every time I blew my whistle the bird made exactly the same sound. "The players all stopped! I had to ask her to move the parrot."

He added: "I've never sent off a parrot before."

Apart from his whistling, Me-Tu also shouted "pretty boy" at the players from his cage on the sidelines. Ms Kerrigan said: "He loves his football and I'll take him back down there." Her team got beat 5-2. Maybe because they didn't have the parrot on the sideline.

A woman has been charged with drunk-driving after she drove to a jail to test a suspected drunk driver.
A Carson city sheriff's deputy smelled alcohol on the breath of Kathleen Cherry, 53, a contract worker for a Nevada sheriff's department.

She told him she had had one margarita before making the journey but she failed a blood test.

She's accused of failing field sobriety tests and registering a blood alcohol content over the state's legal limit, the Nevada Appeal newspaper reported.

Cherry, a phlebotomist trained to draw blood for lab tests, declined to comment after she was charged with drunk driving.
(The test to see if she was drunk was just to try and spell her occupation: phlebotomist!)

An 82-year-old Italian man who took a Viagra pill scared his wife so much she called the police.
Giovanni di Stefano, from Palermo, was so excited his wife thought he would have a heart attack and dialled 999.

"The police didn't do anything but their presence had the desired effect. He lost interest in his love life pretty quickly," said a family friend.

Terrified wife Carla, 69, told police: "He is 82-years-old and so I thought so much love could have lethal consequences." (For Who?)

KOKOMO, Ind. — A man accidentally shot himself in the groin as he was robbing a convenience store, police said.
A clerk told police a man carrying a semi-automatic handgun entered the Village Pantry Tuesday morning demanding cash and a pack of cigarettes. The clerk put the cash in a bag and as she turned to get the cigarettes, she heard the gun discharge.

Surveillance video shows the man shooting himself as he placed the gun in the waistband of his pants, police said. The clerk wasn't injured. (The gun wasn't exactly pointed at her.)

A short time later, police found 25-year-old Derrick Kosch (now nominated for village idiot) at a home with a gunshot wound to his right testicle and lower left leg. He was expected to have surgery at a hospital.
Police plan to charge him with armed robbery and felony stupid.

Welcome to America ...
American immigration officers are to get charm lessons from Mickey and Minnie.

In order to lure back tourists put off by their sometimes-intimidating welcome, they will be given tips from the creators of Mickey Mouse. A survey has revealed 70 per cent of those who have dropped the US as a destination cite an aggressive reception as the reason.

But now officials are responding to criticism of the reception visitors have received by employing Disney's recipe for tirelessly upbeat and helpful customer service. It is an attempt to get the free-spending tourists back, particularly with the US dollar at such a low exchange rate.

A spokeswoman for US Immigration and Customs Enforcement confirmed that officers will be taught the secrets of Disney theme parks by learning how to welcome visitors, manage large queues and respond to 'negative reaction' from the public without letting their smiles slip.

A Wilderness Experience – On my last visit to the US, I presented my US passport to the immigration officer, she looked it over thoroughly, checked what she had to check, handed it back and said; "Welcome Home."

Upon my return to New Zealand, I presented my US passport to the immigration officer, she looked it over thoroughly, checked my Returning Resident's Visa, handed it back and said; "Welcome Home."

How very nice it was to hear those words when entering both countries. These people have a very important and thankless job. I suspect that much of the time, a more thoughtful and patient travelling public would help more than Mickey or Minnie ever could.

Go ahead, you can read this if you try:
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

In matters of style swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand like a rock. - Jefferson

The balance of nature is ruined by the fact that stupidity does not hurt. - Wilderness Wally

Sometimes you can observe a lot just by watching. - Yogi Berra

I had amnesia once... or twice.

American Indian tradition tells that God created the world and all the beasts in it; and then He created man. He was so disappointed that man wasn't perfect he caused a chasm to open up to separate man from all the other creatures.

The Dog watched man moving away across the ever-widening gap, then, at the last moment, he jumped across the abyss to stand beside man and become his loyal companion forever onwards.

My doctor said; "You're over weight.
I said; "I'd like a second opinion"
He said; "OK you're ugly too."